Theory of Disillusion

from All's Fair by E. Awai

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lyrics

I know I took your name in vain
Fist in my gut and twisting, and twisting
I lost the word and I’m begging
I’m begging you to say it
Just say it

I wish the truth had been a lie
We said we’d fight for love
I fought and it died
God I wish I hadn’t noticed the pattern
The flash before the thunder
That tore us both asunder

They say
They say that even rivers dry up

I thought believing brought peace
That getting answers made under standing easy
And I would find us a moral at the end
But we were just a statistic
Too broken up to fix it

You say I just need some faith
Is your evidence forensic or just hearsay?
You made a promise I’m waiting for conviction
I’m sick with indecision
Losing my religion

They say
They say that even rivers dry up

I’ve crossed my hands at my back
Keeping your secrets hoarded like a packrat
And I’m afraid I’ll face judgement for pretending
This act of contrition
We lie by omission

So lay my truth here to rest
I wrote enough to show how much I’ve invested
I swear that cruelty was never my intent
If I sound a little hostile
Don’t take my word as gospel

They say
They say that even rivers dry up
And the flutter of a wing can change the weather
And a thousand years of stone on stone
And a kingdom falls on a horseshoe nail
And I laughed (and I laughed)
In the face of God and You
Said nothing back

I know I took you name in vain
Fist in my gut and twisting, and twisting
I lost the word and I’m begging
I’m begging you to save it

credits

from All's Fair, released April 15, 2018
Erica Awai - Vocals, Piano
Julia Birnbaum - 1st Violin
Rebecca Wishnia - 2nd Violin
Ivo Bokulić - Viola
James Jaffe - Violoncello

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E. Awai New York

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